Marketing blahh blahh blahh

I just spent a couple of hours writing descriptions for skis for the Basin Sports Webstore. Some of the text that the vendors come up with is really funny. I try to put a less techy spin on their stuff so it doesn't sound so science-fiction-like. The mad scientists at Atomic, evidently, have engineered TFC Sectors into their new skis for 2010. Some of the skis have six TFC Sectors in the front and only four in the back. It sounds like something you should watch out for when you're making the jump to hyper-space. I think maybe their product managers had a little too much THC technology, if you know what I mean. They also have Nano Technology, which is a valid technology, if you're talking about medical products or space travel, but it sounds funny when you're talking about a ski. I have no idea what nano technology is, other than it relies on very small particles. The good news is that my lack of nano technology knowledge has not affected my skiing at all, so far.

When I was a new hire at Salomon and nobody really knew who I was, I sent a memo to everyone in the office praising the SFP Technology in the new line of skis. At the sales meeting we had been given a huge binder (the French called it an argumentaire)full of product specs and info and it was entirely written by the French product team so the English was pretty funny to begin with. They were always coming up with these acronyms and meaningless words to describe new technologies. Nobody ever read those things, but I was new, so I did. I seized on one particular description where a new race ski was described as having it's mounting point moved forward to create a "shorter front part." This is still hilarious to me. Anyway, I let the US product managers know that, despite certain other shortcomings, SFP technology would elevate Salomon's race skis high above the competition. I wish I still had that email because I remember thinking it was really funny, but I do remember that one line was “thank you Salomon for ushering in an era where all front parts are free to be, well, shorter.” Immediately after I sent it, I was thinking, maybe it wasn't such a smart idea. I had no idea if it was acceptable to make fun of the Franglais in the marketing materials or not. I actually composed the email out of frustration, because at the time our logistics company was just terrible and I had spent the whole morning getting reamed out by dealers for poor product delivery and shipping mistakes. Everyone in the office was on edge too, and I had no idea if anyone had a sense of humor about it or not. About ten minutes after I sent it, though, my phone rang and it was the ski and binding product manager, Ted Wardlaw, and, from what I could decipher through his hysterical laughter, everyone thought it was funny. It really broke the tension for a while, I guess. Unfortunately, everyone knew who I was after that so I had to figure out what my job was and start doing it.